Without You
by ColorfulLokitty
Summary: Loki rarely pays attention to Midgardian forms of music but one night he takes Stark's iPod and soon regrets it as he allows for the song lyrics to get to him. Thor happens across his room though and Loki is both glad and irritated with his intrusion. However, Thor manages to get through to Loki and the trickster allows it. Brotherly feels. Slight Thorki. One-Shot. M for safety.


**This is actually my first Thorki one-shot though I've been rather fond of the pairing for a while now. I guess I just wasn't ready to deal with the enormity of feels in it. XD**

**I'm quite happy with how this one turned out though, to be honest, even though it isn't actually M for anything other than slight torture feels. I just do that for safety.**

**I don't own any of these characters though, or the lyrics. The lyrics of the songs go to:**

**"What I've Done" by Linkin Park**

**"In the End" by Linkin Park**

**"Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day**

**"Monster" by Skillet**

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Loki sat quietly on the edge of his bed, looking out of his window over the city of New York. The city lights from outside were the only thing that lit up the dark room as he had turned off all of the others. The iPod he had taken just earlier from Stark now sat in a crushed pile at his feet as it hadn't taken him long before he was unable to stand the memories brought about by the simple Midgardian songs. He was angry he had allowed something so insignificant to affect him but it had taken too long for him to realize that he needed to do away with the wretched device to try and find closure. Yet many of the lyrics from different songs continued to play over and over again in his already distressed mind.

_'So let mercy come, and wash away, what I've done. I'll face myself to cross out what I've become. Erase myself and let go of what I've done.'_

Loki growled in annoyance of his own stupidity, shaking his head and focusing on the city outside of his windows to try and disperse them from his mind.

_'I tried so hard and got so far but in the end, it doesn't even matter. I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.'_

His feelings of anger faded back and were replaced with others, of self-hatred, sadness, fear, loss. He squeezed his eyes shut, dragging in a shuddering breath as those lyrics in particular were accompanied by memories of his fall and of what happened afterwards.

_'My shadow's the only one that walks beside me. My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating. Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me 'til then I walk alone.'_

He was alone, there wasn't anybody that could help him, anybody that could save him from this situation. He didn't even know if his heart was still beating though. The cold seemed to envelope him leading him to believe it wasn't.

_'Why won't somebody come and save me from this? Make it end! I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin. I must confess that I feel like a monster. I hate what I've become. The nightmare's just begun. I must confess that I feel like a monster!'_

Loki snarled suddenly, a knife appearing in his hand almost instantly as he slashed a long deep gash down the length of his forearm. His jaw clenched tightly in pain, his hand holding tightly onto the knife before he slowly lowered the blade to lay it on the nightstand beside the bed. He felt himself relax into the pain, breathing out a long sigh as his mind focused on the burn in his arm rather than anything else. His magic kept it from being too harmful an injury but it didn't keep the pain away which he was glad for.

"Loki!"

His gaze snapped up to the door and he tensed immediately, not able to throw up a shielding spell for his arm before Thor had pushed the door open, walking into his room. Thor had opened his mouth to say something more but he was silent, his eyes settling on Loki's arm.

"What happened, Loki?" He asked in an uncharacteristically quiet voice after a long moment of silence. Thor was horrified to see the blood slowly dripping from Loki's arm and his gaze flicked around the room as he searched for whatever had caused Loki harm. He saw nothing though and his eyes quickly turned back to Loki.

A lie had already formed on Loki's tongue but his eyes flicked to the knife that lay on the nightstand, covered in his blood. His bit his tongue sharply, his gaze flicking up to Thor just in time to see Thor's eyes turn to the silver blade as well, having followed his.

"Brother, please tell me you didn't do this yourself," he said, his blue eyes resting on Loki.

Loki's own emerald eyes snapped up, flaring with anger as he watched Thor. "Why, Thor? Is it so hard to believe that the Jotun runt has emotions of his own he must deal with," he snarled.

Thor furrowed a brow slightly, taking a cautious step towards Loki. "Brother, I didn't-"

"I am not your brother, Thor! We're complete opposites not to mention entirely different species!"

"But we were raised together! We played and fought together through everything! How can you not remember that, Loki? Is your mind so tainted by this mad quest for power you had?" Thor questioned in an even, desperate tone. "Are you so reluctant to acknowledge me as your brother because I ended your reign? Or maybe it's because you think me below you? Why?"

The angry snarl didn't leave Loki's face as he stood to face Thor. "You have no idea as to the matters you are speaking of, Thor. You do not understand."

"Then help me to understand, Loki!" He retorted immediately. "Tell me what is going on so that I can at least try to understand! Do I not deserve at least that? A chance to try and make things better? Help me to understand so that I can end this hatred between us and try to help you." Thor's voice had taken on a far more desperate, pleading tone at the end.

Loki's eyes searched Thor's for a moment before he turned away, walking over to the window and holding his arm up to the light to look at the blood dripping down the side of it and staining his pale skin.

"Or if you wish to start with something smaller, then just tell me why you did that to yourself."

His green eyes turned back to the knife on the table and with a slight flick of his fingers it faded into nothing. It fell silent, a silence that stretched for so long, Thor was sure Loki wouldn't answer but just as he was to leave, he heard a barely audible word. "Monster." In Loki's mind, that was what had all started it after all. The fact that he was Jotun had really started everything that led up to this point, that had caused him to break and shatter until all that was left was dust. That one word had caused him so much grief and loathing.

Two strong arms suddenly grabbed his shoulders, turning him around to face Thor. Loki narrowed his eyes dangerously at Thor but allowed it for the moment which the thunder god was grateful for. "You're not a monster, Loki," he said softly, his thumb brushing over Loki's cheek. "How could a monster ever have such a joyful effect on someone's life as you have? Do you know where I would be without you?"

"You'd be the precious prince of Asgard not marred but his younger brother following in his shadow." His voice carried the familiar sarcastic bite.

"No, I would be dead or worse. You've saved us in countless battles, my brother, and I wouldn't want anything more than to have you back with me. Without you, there are no mischievous pranks-"

"Without me there are no quarrels or fights or deaths by my hand," Loki interrupted.

"Without you there are no smart words to keep me from making rash decisions or any words of advice when I sorely need them," Thor retorted.

"Without me there are no ropes slowly pulling apart your family."

"Without you I have no family."

Loki didn't make a reply that time, watching Thor for a moment before giving a slight growl and pulling out of his grasp. "Why must you make everything so complicated?" He questioned softly, though it was mostly to himself.

"What do you mean?"

A long sigh escaped Loki as he looked back to Thor. "Because you're not lying. When you say you still care about me or that you've somehow managed to forgive me for everything I've done. You're not lying but I don't want to accept it. I can't. Not after everything," he said quietly.

"Yes you can, Loki. I did," Thor replied, laying a hand on Loki's shoulder. "I'll help you through it, I promise."

"Why? So that you can be congratulated on getting your younger brother back in line?" He snarled. "So that we can return to Asgard and you can once again be the golden son and I will be second one again? How will it be any different?"

"Because I will pay attention this time, I swear. I shouldn't be allowed a second chance, Loki, I don't deserve that after not noticing everything the first time," Thor said. "I'll watch and listen to you. Last time, though everything was for you, I didn't-"

"What do you mean everything was for me?" Loki suddenly interrupted.

Thor furrowed a brow slightly, looking into Loki's emerald eyes. "Everything was for you. I wanted to grow stronger for you and that's why I did. Do you remember when we were young and how others would insult you or you would have fears of imagined monsters hiding and waiting for you? I was sure your monsters were real and that we would face them one day. I wanted to grow stronger so that I could fight them off and protect you, brother. I would destroy them so that they would never be able to harm you again. I became too focused on that though and thought not about how it would affect you. And for that, I am truly sorry." He was surprised that Loki hadn't known that as he had thought he had made it clear multiple times before.

Silence reigned over the both of them for a long moment and Loki watched Thor but it took even longer for Thor to notice that Loki's eyes were glazed over as though he were in a trance. Loki suddenly looked away again though, stepping back as he looked out over the city. "They still live though, Thor, my monsters. They've changed since I was young but he still lives," he replied quietly, his voice breaking slightly with emotion. Loki was still somewhat shocked that everything had been for him. That he had resented Thor for something that Thor had actually done for him all along. Why hadn't he noticed that before?

"'He'?" Thor questioned, feeling anger suddenly trickle through him as he realized that it was a different being that had caused Loki harm. "Who is it, Loki? Tell me."

Loki shook his head. "He threatened to kill us if I said anything." The reply was once again almost inaudible.

Thor moved to stand beside Loki, his hand slipping under Loki's chin and tilting his head so that he could see into Loki's eyes once again. "No, Loki. You must trust me. We'll fight him off, all of us. You just have to tell me who it is," he said softly.

Drawing in a shuddering breath, Loki looked back to Thor. "Thanos." It felt as though a weight had already been lifted off of him. Just the simple revelation of telling Thor had already made him feel better.

The one word was filled with such fear and Thor felt his own breath catch slightly. Thanos was a being of myth; a seemingly invincible titan that the Aesir gods had once fought off and cast into the abyss. Thor doubted it for a moment but even he knew that Loki couldn't feign that amounted of pure terror. "What happened, Loki?" Thor asked slowly.

Loki was silent for a long time but he knew Thor wouldn't leave without a response and he was so ready to get it over with, to finally let somebody know about everything. There was no one better to tell than Thor. "After I fell, I landed on a barren planet with the-the Chitauri. They brought me to the Other, their general. And he...he brought me to T-Thanos. He needed me for his plan to attack Midgard, Thor. I wouldn't comply so he had to torture me."

Not a second had passed since he said that that Thor had pulled him into a crushing embrace. His chin laid on top of Loki's head and his fingers ran lightly through the dark hair. Loki allowed it, squeezing his eyes closed and leaning into Thor as a shudder ran through him. "I kept thinking that you were going to come for me. That you would tear them apart with Mjolnir and save me," he mumbled against Thor's chest.

"I would have, brother. You know I would have had I known where you were or that you were even still alive," Thor returned.

Loki nodded slowly, wrapping his arms around Thor as well. Thor smiled slightly at the reciprocation of affection, softly crooning Loki's name as Mother used to. He turned and set his brother carefully on the edge of the bed. "I'll be back in just a moment." Loki's gaze fell but he nodded slightly, trying not to show the reluctance he had for Thor to leave after they had finally been mending, even if only slightly.

Quickly walking into the bathroom, Thor grabbed two towels, wetting one of them before returning to the room. The raven-haired god was still sitting silently on the edge of the bed as he had been. Sitting down beside him, he took Loki's arm and gently started dabbing off the blood from around the wound. Loki didn't say anything, watching Thor carefully as the thunder god dried off his arm and was about to let go when he noticed slight scars marring the pale skin. Furrowing a brow slightly, he leaned in to get a better look but they had disappeared suddenly.

Thor raised a brow, looking up to Loki. "Loki, don't hide from me now," he said quietly.

"You won't like the real me, Thor," he replied.

Thor sighed, stroking Loki's cheek again lightly. "How do you know that when you won't even allow me the opportunity to prove you wrong? Just remove the magic you're using to hide your scars; that's all for now."

That seemed to be an adequate compromise for Loki as Thor saw the scars slowly appear along Loki's arm again. After a moment, Thor managed to turn on the lamp beside the bed for a better light as he looked over the subtle scars. Many of them were various cuts, gashes, or burns but Thor noticed one larger spot on the side of Loki's arm that seemed abruptly void of the scars until he looked closer and suddenly wished he hadn't. These weren't just scars, they were thin lines that formed one word. _Monster._ Thor felt horror and sadness for what had been done to Loki rise in him. Not only was the word engraved in his skin but in his mind and soul. He didn't care to ask whether Loki had done it to himself or if Thanos had done it to him.

"Loki, drop all of your magic please. Let me see your natural form," Thor requested.

Loki shook his head.

Thor sighed. "Please, Loki," he pleaded, laying his forehead against Loki's.

"No. You won't...You're going to..." Loki said in a small voice.

Shaking his head, Thor replied, "Loki, I promise I won't do anything that will harm you. I'm not going to leave or insult you or anything. I promise."

Emerald eyes rose to meet cerulean blue ones and Thor plainly saw the fear in them. After a long moment, Loki's gaze fell again, settling on his hand and causing Thor to look there too. The raven-haired god's pale skin was slowly turning to blue, his fingernails changing into long black claws and darker blue lines rising over his skin. It only took a moment longer for all of Loki's skin to change to the blue shade. Loki had turned away from him though and Thor couldn't see his face at all but Loki was obviously tensed with fear and expectation of rejection. He expected nothing more of Thor than for the thunder god to push him away or be disgusted by his natural form. Thor would give him none of that though.

"Your eyes, Loki. Let me see them," he requested softly, his hand still under Loki's chin.

Loki was blatantly reluctant of doing so but he turned to face Thor though he eyes were closed. It was a long moment later when his eyes slowly drifted open. They were a bright crimson but were still showing the emotion from earlier. They were still Loki's.

"There they are," he said quietly with a smile. "You're still my Loki. There is no difference between you then and now except for your skin and eye color. You are no monster. You are my beloved brother and I need you to know that. I need you, Loki. I need you to stay here with me and I will not allow anything to steal you away from my side again."

"He'll take me back though. He isn't finished with me," Loki said quietly. "He's taken everything from me, even my sleep which he assaults with nightmares. He wants me back to toy with me before he finally kills me."

Thor shook his head. "No, I will not allow it. I will kill him before he can even begin to harm you, my dear Loki. I will not allow him to take you from me again."

"Do you promise?" Loki asked in a childlike voice.

Thor moved back and sat against the headboard of the bed, propping up a few pillows behind him. "I swear it," he vowed.

Loki nodded slightly, looking up to where Thor sat. Thor watched him for a moment before patting the spot beside him. "You said that he took your sleep from you. I presume you mean by way of night terrors?"

"Yes," was the quiet reply.

Thor smiled slightly, patting the bed again and kicking off his shoes. "Then I shall stay in here with you tonight and for as long as you need me until they end."

Biting his lip, Loki eyed Thor warily for a moment until his own shoes disappeared due to his magic and he slowly crawled across the bed. He glanced up at Thor once again before he settled down right beside the thunder god. The warmth of him surprised Loki and he had to force himself to not relax immediately but rather keep himself tense.

Thor smiled, wrapping an arm around him and pulled the raven-haired god against his side. Loki didn't relax though, sitting there rather tensely instead. Sighing inwardly, Thor started pulling his fingers through the soft black hair; a soft hum rose from Thor as he remembered one of the songs Mother would always sing to Loki whenever he was upset. That seemed to be the correct thing to do as Loki slowly relaxed, wrapping one arm around Thor and laying his head on Thor's chest. It was only a few moments later when Loki's breathing evened out and the thunder god glanced down to see that those crimson eyes had closed. It was evident that Loki must have been exhausted, simply by how fast he fell asleep.

Thor smiled and shifted a bit, still pulling his fingers through Loki's hair. It had to be some kind of accomplishment that the god hadn't cast the illusion back over himself before he fallen asleep. Leaning over, Thor turned off the lamp and pulled a pillow up behind his head, his arm falling from Loki's hair to wrap tightly around him. Loki snuggled into his side, his head still laying comfortably on Thor's chest.

"Goodnight, my Loki," Thor said softly. His gaze stayed trained on Loki's face for a long time before he felt sleep tugging at his eyelids and soon, he too fell asleep.

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**Please review, comment, and favourite and such. I love when people critique my work. **

**Other than that, I believe I should get back to my Thorki fic. XD**


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